REVIEW for I Can Make You Smile by luluhunnie
Although the title doesn’t immediately hint at the plot like others, it makes readers want to read the story to find out who the title is referring to.
The simplicity in the appearance is greatly appreciated since it makes the story a lot easier to read, as well as the pictures in each chapter rather than a poster.
Description & Foreword: 13/15
I like that you kept the description simple and brief, not adding too much or too little info on Luhan’s situation. Character lists usually aren’t necessary, but preferred, just so readers get extra information on each character.
Although this sounds terrible, I really enjoyed reading Seung Gi. His actions and dialogue matched perfectly with his personality. You stayed true to your characters’ personalities throughout the story, especially Luhan’s, and I’m sure every reader could notice that as they read.
Luhan’s situation wasn’t 100% original, but I like how you integrated the other part of his situation, which would be Seung Gi. Due to the unexpected scenes in the story, it didn’t seem cliche or unoriginal at all.
The sentences and chapters were all in order, although the chapters were a little too short. Your description is perfect, so I would suggest adding different perspectives of the characters involved in the conflict. This doesn’t mean you have to go out of 3rd POV, but italicizing is preferred since switching POVs can be tiring and confusing.
Grammar & Spelling: 25/25
I really enjoyed the scene when Luhan is taken to Kai’s home; It was very unexpected, actually. Especially the the scene in which Luhan sleeps with Kai…
Comments: Thank you for not making Kris a bad guy. Brownie points for you. ㅋㅋㅋㅋ