Snowflake

Quote

사랑은 눈에 보이지가 않아,
어디에 있는지 몰라

I can’t see love with my eyes,

I don’t know where it is

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An Angel’s Agony

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REVIEW for An Angel’s Agony by 500sunny500 

-cover is not mine; credits go to the shop & author

Title: 9/10 

The title is undoubtedly captivating, although readers will be slightly confused as to how it relates to the plot or story in general.

Appearance: 10/10

A+ on the poster; Monochrome and dark colors are known to be best for the angst genre. I like that you didn’t use a fancy layout of any kind because it makes the story a lot easier to read. The font, size, and color are perfect.

Description & Foreword: 13/15

For the description, when you are listing the reasons why Namjoo is attending Jongin’s school, it isn’t necessary to use the word “to” after every number. Just the first reason is fine, but the next ones should be:

EXAMPLE // 2) Meet the girl who saved her from being bullied in kindergarten, Krystal and 3) become Kai’s girlfriend by the time he graduates from high school.

The foreword was great, although there were a few grammatical errors. Here are a few suggestions, but there aren’t any real changes that are needed here (in the parentheses). As long as you remember your tenses (past/present/future) and keep them consistent with the verbs, your writing will be clear to the readers.

EXAMPLE // The junior watched as a poor boy with golden brown hair crumbled down into (a / the) corner. He seemed to be in a hysterical state as he grabbed a handful of his hair, (squeezing in / inching closer) to the brick wall. Two girls and three boys (guys is considered a very casual term, so it’s not always used in writing, but dialogue) approached him , and without showing any mercy, they threw fist-sized rocks and dumped a mud-filled bucket on the boy’s uniform. The senior who was being bullied, looked up and met eyes with the unfamiliar junior. There was only one word written over his face. Help.  (Colons are usually used to list, rather than presenting a word / description.)

Namjoo looked away and walked deeper into the school, forgetting about the poor senior who wanted only one thing. Help.

Characterization: 9/10

Each character’s personality is clear in each chapter as they are presented, although they’re not fully developed. Their personalities and actions aren’t sufficient enough, since there is still a reader needs to know about each of them. I suggest adding further conversations between the conflicted characters, such as Suzy and Kai. Remember to associate each character with the plot, as this will add purpose to each of them, not just acquaintances for the characters aka supporting cast.

Plot: 9/10

The plot wasn’t unique, due to the bullying and the F4 feel Kai and his companions give off. Other than that, mentally-ill Suzy and the causes for that are interesting and can easily attract a reader’s attention. Readers want to know why characters act a certain way, what their purpose is. If you add more flashbacks that relate to the plot, it will undoubtedly help your readers understand better. For example, Suzy’s reactions were portrayed perfectly in each scene she is in.

Flow: 9/10

The length of each chapter is a little too short and usually fails in giving enough information on what’s happening. If you’d like to keep the length of your chapters, there are always chapters that are split into parts. So if you have a main purpose for one chapter, but you feel it’s becoming too long, you can always make a “Part 1/3 “ and so on.

Grammar & Spelling: 23/25

I’ve kind of mentioned this in the previous parts of the review, but the main errors I’ve been noticing are the switch in tenses in each sentence. Tenses are very important, and if they’re constantly switching, the reader will be confused. As for spelling, I’ve seen small errors that can be easily corrected with Spell Check as well as homophones.

Bonus: 10/10

A scene I really enjoyed reading was Namjoo’s elevator ride with the stranger who was visiting his girlfriend. Well, the entire chapter, actually. I thought it was slightly funny how they referred to Suzy, but at the same time, I still had a huge soft spot for her character.

Comments: This is actually the first time I read a straight pairing, with multiple characters, and school life in awhile, so A+ for your story! ^^ I found this really interesting throughout every chapter. xx

Score: 92/100